David's gone for two weeks

But there are reminders of him EVERYWHERE, and I all I want to do is forget that he's gone, or that I ever had him while he's gone. I'm surprised at how much it hurts for him to be gone. It's good that he's with his mother, at least. I heard him on the phone talking to her, call her mommy...I just want to put all of his things in his room and close the door until I see him again. He misses her, I know. And she said he was hungry from...well, DUH! He'd been in a plane for 3 hours, we hadn't had a lot of time to eat, even though there was a two hour delay in Tampa...I tried to get him to eat a hot dog, which he wouldn't eat. On the plane I tried to give him snacks like crackers, made sure he drank his gatorade, but he just would not EAT. Probably too much excitement from the plane, and airport...I have the whole wheat kind, so it's just empty calories, it was "real" food. He fell asleep on the plane, which was nice. I had brought all kinds of things to keep him entertained on the plane, though since we were delayed I never brought out the stuff at the terminal for him to play with. When we went through security, the TSA guy told me that he was going to take my laptop out of my bag and run it through separately. I told him that I have a screaming child, and that he can do what ever he wanted. David hated taking off his shoes, but he really started to holler when his bah-dee ended up in the xray machine...and I have to take off my shoes, and gather my shoulder bag, and the laptop, and keep track of a very mobile child, oh, and his car seat. I'm pretty tired, too.

I have two saints to thank, though...getting on the plane was difficult, but would have been a nightmare without the help of a lady who didn't look to be much older than me, but still she says she has grand-kids...I had David, the car seat, the carry on bag (with laptop within) and it was just too much. So she had been talking to me before. It would appear that a single guy with his kid and way too much stuff (really, just two things!) gets people's attention. Some of the older women waiting for the flight in the terminal asked how much energy I had, because David wouldn't stop, and therefore, neither did I. So anyway, the woman who helped me is named Beverly. She really couldn't have been as old as 50, and no grey hair, and no wrinkles...but she still had that bearing...and she carried the car seat onto the plane for me, and then VANISHED...it was amazing. She sat me down next to a really rather attractive young woman, who helped me with David by talking to him, and smiling at him...everyone that I had occasion to talk to said how cute he is, how long his eyelashes are, how smart he is...Erica is this one woman's name. David fell asleep after we got off the ground, but getting off the ground was an experience, since he has never flown...he understood that we were ON the plane, and he saw the trucks, and cars out the window, because I sat him next to it. Just after the wheels left the ground, he began to realize that we were off the ground as the cars and such got smaller and smaller. He got more and more uneasy, almost crying, but I made it as exciting as possible for him, and he pretty much bought it, because he wasn't so scared. After we got to cruising altitude, he saw the clouds, and fell asleep. Later it occurred to me that I got stuck waiting for the plane in Tampa, and in those two hours I could have done a better job feeding him with the snacks, or playing the games I'd brought, or reading a book to him...sigh. Next time. I hate when I end up just waiting for something to happen, and end up doing nothing while I wait. Erica was an angle because I hadn't had anything to eat for myself...she had just bought a sandwich, but then we got called to board the plane, then she said she didn't want to eat, and did I want some of her sandwich, because she wasn't going to eat it. So I sure...I'm learning how to accept help from people, because I wasn't going to allow Beverly to help me, either, and at some point I just let her help me. I don't like feeling helpless like that, or not all the way in control, but I was already helpless, and slightly out of control anyway...When we got to St. Louis, she helped me again by going with me to baggage claim: she took him by the hand and we went down the escalator to the lower floor, and then she was gone again ("Who was that masked man? I'd shooore like to thank him!"). I could have done it without her, but I'm still glad she helped, because what if I wasn't able? I worried about him falling down the stairs of the escalator, and I couldn't really get him before he took off since I was hold that other stuff. Sigh. And getting on the plane, too. Wow.

The hand off with Amanda is another story. I get there, and THEN she leaves the house to come get him. So I waited for her at the terminal for another 30 - 45 minutes. I think they just wanted to make me wait a little while longer, but of course, this is no service to David, since at various points he said he wanted to go home, and I'm like, "We're going to see your mommy!" and then he'd forget about home. They should have been at the FUCKING AIRPORT AT THE GATE to meet us when we got there, it's not a mystery where the place is, what flight we were on...but no. It was funny that when I asked her about why she had Tait with her that she began to explain herself to me about why he was with her...and I just didn't care. All I said was, "So you have Tait with you?" If she had said, "Yes," that would have been just fine. It's not like I'm going to spend the night with the guy. Instead, she says, "blah blah it worked out better this way blah blah" and I'm like, "Hey, you don't have to tell me, it is what it is." It was just not important. I had a little time to think about it, and when they FINALLY got there, I was like, "Hi Tait!" and he just kind of mumbled back, and wouldn't me in the eye, or really look at me. It was funny that when Amanda was trying to figure out where I was, hearing him get so angry in the background...and I'm thinking to myself, "What's to get upset about?" They were just lost, and it was funnier to hear him blaming ME for not being in the right place...and I'm like, "Uh, hello? I've never been to this fucking airport before, I'm right where I'm supposed to be, right where you told me to meet you: down by baggage claim. Not only am I in the right place, where are you?" David went with her very well...he said good-bye, and waived, and asked for a kiss, and a hug, and they were off! The return trip for me was uneventful...

I went to Rocky Horror as my first act of being home alone...When I was waiting for my return flight to Tampa I was toying with the idea of flying ANYWHERE in the country, simply because I could. No reason for me 'rush right home'...but I went home anyway, but went to Rocky directly and hung out there for a couple of hours before the movie started. It's nice to be social and grown up again...