Anniversary

It's close to 2 AM on my anniversary. Had I stayed married, this would be 4 years. It's still 4 years since I got married, but I'm not married anymore...

How has my week been so far without David? I realized that on Sunday I had a stress hangover from the day before. I spent some time crying because he's gone. I watched CBS Sunday Morning, and there's a movie of the week on where the man says, "I want my son back." Every time I'd hear that I'd cry. I wanted to go back to sleep, because I had gone out the night before, and didn't get home until 3:30 AM...woke up at 7:30 AM...and could not go back to sleep...I had a headache all day, too. It took all day to feel better. I went to a party Sunday night, with people I consider friends. They are not child-friendly, though. So this was good for me to be a grown-up for a while. Monday I didn't feel like I got anything done, but I called a mortgage broker to get moving on my list. Didn't do a whole lot in the yard. I'm finding that having David here makes it very easy for me to go outside, and when he's not here, it's more difficult.

I went out tonight with some people from work, which is nice. No rushing home. Tuesday I was in training from 9 - 5, which ruined my day...not a whole lot done on Tuesday, either.

Today I got some stuff done: I began the document gathering process, and trimmed the tree so it doesn't touch my roof! I pulled up some more Cape Honeysuckle roots...I'll be doing that until the end of time, it seems.

Amanda called me on Monday, saying that she thinks I'm missing David, which I am. So she put the cell on speaker, the way I do with her when he's here. We talk about 45 minutes. Amanda and I, that is. David is just off playing. The physical interaction is what he needs. He'll figure the phone thing out later. He just said, "Daddy!" and that 's about it. She called me again today to talk, she said he's 'reading' and she wanted me to hear. But her phone speaker wasn't working...so I heard static. We texted since there was no sound on her phone.

Without David here I'm a bit touch-starved. Just having him here to cuddle, or for him to climb on me, or me carry him on my shoulders is enough. Without him here...it's hard not to have an excuse for me not doing things. So I'm getting stuff done, and being a non-parent adult for a little while. I can make phone calls and not be interrupted. I can talk to friends without the "conversation randomizer" because he makes me forget what I was saying and I'll go on to something else...I'm just lonely, I suppose. I climbed on the ladder without my shadow going up with me, and even on the roof! And the mortgage thing. Without him here, I can actually get it done!