So David just woke up screaming/crying...he wants me to go sit at my computer and have coffee...I'm guessing so he can sit with me. He's upset. He's sweaty from being too warm in bed, and I had put him down with his clothes on from the day (shorts and a t-shirt)...I change his diaper at his insistence, gave him some gatorade...and I ask him what's wrong, because nothing I do can console him, he just screams and cries more. Eventually I ask him if he misses his mommie, and he says "Yes." I tell him I miss her, too, and ask if I can cry, but he says, "No." So I keep a stiff upper lip. Acknowledging that hurt in him helped him stop crying, ironically. He went back to his bed...
I am just wracked with guilt that I didn't try to keep his mom and myself married, or that she moved away (and I stayed here -- not that that's my fault)...She seems to be a decent mom when I'm not around her, or when she's not avoiding being around me. I don't know of course, since she does a good job of making things seem better than what they are. When we were married, she avoided most parenting tasks, and left everything to me. I have no idea what happened when she had him, except what she tells me, and that he came back to me when he was supposed to, and he was clean.
I also hurt tremendously that he hurts. And he isn't even three years old!!
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