Energy!

I have energy again! I can do things like laundry, and the dishes, and still have time to play with David, and make hot tea! This is a very happy occurrence. And it's a beautiful day, so I have the windows open. David's outside and playing in the back yard, asking "Where's David?" He can say his name the right way now: day-vfid...it's just more refinement going forward. Oh, and he says ffffingers now. No more ngingers...

Matt and Virginia dropped off David the other day. Matt says he can't see David more than his mother does. How pathetic. Another excuse to not see the boy. "The emotions are too raw right now," he says. You know what? Fuck that. Your fucking emotions are more important than seeing your grandson? He asks, "Do you understand?" No. I do respect it, though, because what else can I do? I can't force you to do anything. I see where Amanda gets it from, though. Avoidance is the best choice!!! There's nothing better! OMG!!! If it's too emotionally difficult, just avoid it, and everything will be okay. I was ready to slog through the hardest parts of being married, but she wasn't. She avoided the hardest parts of raising Colleen, which is why I inherited such a mess in that girl. At least I helped reset some of her direction, and things will be better for her going forward, I hope anyway.

My emotions are raw, too, but I can talk to Amanda and be civil. I can do what needs to be done no matter how I feel. This isn't all about me. But then again, it would seem that Matt and Amanda think it is all about them. You do what you have to do, but don't forget blood is thicker than water, family matters, no matter how it's composed. David had better do something really fucking awful for me not to have contact with him. Or with his kids one day. David's done nothing wrong.

I know kids have distant relationships with their relatives, but this is a bit too much.