Something I struggle with

Is sending out the David Weekly, specifically to Amanda, David's mother. She has not responded at all to the latest issue with David's change of schools, etc. She called it, on her fb page, "the weekly idiot email." I realize that since she pulled up stakes and left her son, that he can't be that important to her, but that at the same time, she really does love him and (as far as I can tell) do the right thing by him when they're together. I know how difficult it is to call when he's with her, but I still do it. She's obviously not strong enough to call me when I have him, which is most of the time. And she's so angry. I think she nurses it, rather than tries to let it go.

I'm told that it's not my place/responsibility/whatever to try make her be a better, more involved, parent. I agree. I can't make her do anything. However, I believe it is my duty to let her know what's going on with David. She can choose to read it, or not. I'm not doing it for her benefit, but for David's.

I'm told that I am doing David a disservice, since she's going to know him better than she otherwise would, and that since I'm doing her job by volunteering information she's not asking for, it's basically lying to him about her interest in his life. Because if she was truly interested, she would ask. I know she can't ask, that it's beyond her ability to ask. She's just too angry. And too superior. But she is interested, because I do know she is at least reading them. I am doing him a favor, I think, given her limited capacity. She's emotionally stunted, and not brave/strong enough to do what's right. He's going to find out at some point what her limits are, just like I found out what my own father's limits are. But I can protect him from that ugly truth until he's older, better able to handle it.

I remember my mother saying how my father was "sick"...I don't believe that's true, or was true. I think that men are just built differently than women, and women don't/won't get men who can just leave their offspring so "easily." What I do know is that I would have been better off if my mother had never said anything to me, or lied to me about what was going on, until I was old enough to handle the truth that he was like Amanda: just not capable of doing the right thing.

I believe that I'm doing the right thing by keeping her informed about her son, so that even though she's not doing the work of inquiring, he still benefits by her knowing him, knowing more about him. That way his mother isn't such a stranger when he goes to see her. And he isn't such a stranger to her. Because that's another thing I hated about my own childhood: my father not knowing me, not knowing who I was, or what I might like or not like. Why should David have to suffer that if I can prevent it? I can't make her be a parent. But I can help her, which in turn helps David.

And why isn't it my responsibility? Why can't I do everything I can for him? Why do I believe it so strongly, but everyone else is so contrary to this logic? I can't figure that one out.