debriefing before Thanksgiving 2009

Hello all. I just figured this is a good place to vent, tell you all about my dropping off my son to his mom...

She lives 1000 miles away. I fly with my 4 year old to St Louis. I tell her by text when I'm on the plane, and when I've landed, and that we'll meet at the usual 5 min parking.

She's always late. Usually I only have to wait a few minutes, and that was the case here. She always has her bf with her when she picks him up, or drops him off.

As I'm waiting, my heart is pounding. I'm expecting her to berate me (because that's what she does), or to try to give me some reason why she should be allowed to reduce her CS payments.

She gets there, and I'm waiting by the 5 minute parking. I see her car before she sees me, so I walk in that direction, holding the boy. There are 4 empty spots, but they're reserved for the courtesy shuttles to the different hotels/rental car companies. I thought she'd just park there, since the spaces were empty, but instead, she opens the car window to yell at me to go to the 5 minute parking...which is full of cars. Of course, I could see this, and she couldn't, but I followed directions anyway, because I could see they weren't stopping.

And of course, there was a small traffic jam, that I walked through, to get to her car. My poor son looked lost after I set him down. My ex's bf took my son and put him in the car. My ex didn't even look at me, and she asked about his allergy medicine. Her voice cracked and waivered. She was at least as nervous as me! I was surprised. I put his "pack-pack" in the car, said good-bye to him, and they took off.

I get home several hours later, and this is her fb status:

... thinks that anyone who tells a 4 year old that they have to keep something secret needs a wake up call. ESPECIALLY when said 4 year old acts sad because of it.

The problem here, is that I didn't tell him to keep any kind of secret. I think he's choosing not to tell her things because if/when he does, she probably flips. I don't know that for sure, but I can see not wanting to say things to her for myself...kids don't tell things because they're worried about the reaction. I know this. That's why I try to keep calm when my son tells me things he probably knows I'm not going to like, such as him fighting with another boy at school. And for the most part, he tells me. I also have the idea that she interrogates him, which I'm sure he doesn't like, but I have no way to tell...He does come back in two weeks. Sigh. And I miss him already.

Rusty