David loves dinosaus. He can tell you all about them, with surprising detail. He also loves stickers. He put a bunch of dinosaur stickers on his arms and said "I'm all stickered up!" Later on, however, he found, to his chagrin, that stickers don't stay on his skin very well...but it's these particular dinosaur stickers that aren't particularly sticky. But he loves his dinosaur sticker book, and it's a real challenge for him to take the stickers off one page, and then put them on the appropriate page...The stickers are in groups, and they say what page to put them on, and then what he has to do is match the sillhouette with the sticker he's got. I'm frequently called over to help.
Someone suggested that I write the David Weekly TO David as an adult looking back, instead of his mom, so I'm going to try that in this post.
Dear David,
You have a tendency to want to shout in my ear, to make sure I hear you. You're such a cutie, but you hate it when I give you too many kisses. It's hard in the mornings for you, to wake up, because you have no desire to go to sleep at night when it's bed time. We read books most nights, and we go through the Highlights Magazine for 5 year olds (High 5 is what it's called). The nights we don't read, it's because it's too late, and you're usually asleep anyway. I was so proud of you the other night, for being able to point out the words I wasn't reading. Now, either you could read them, or you've heard me say that enough that you just know what they are. The cool thing though is that you could point to where the words are on the page. Nice job. You've also let me know not to "over praise" you. So I'm just supposed to tell you, "Good Job!" and leave it at that, and not make a bigger deal about things.
So we went to lunch w/ Mimi today (Sunday), and she told you ahead of time that you need to sit still at the table. She said later that you behaved well (even if you were driving me a bit crazy). While at the restaurant, we watched football on TV, and you were able to describe a "sack" in football. "It's when the other team attacks, and knocks the other guy down," is what what you said. Mimi was impressed that you were able to so well describe a major football play, after only having told you once. So we went to the water park in Zephyrhills. Then after that, we went back to Mimi's and played in her pool, and made a whirlpool. That was a lot of fun.
Saturday you got to meet my aunt Bette. You did not know what to make of this, and it was far too much for you to deal with. You were saying over and over that you didn't want to look at her, or for her to see you or look at you...you warmed up after a little while, but getting there was rough. I told you that I have an aunt just the same way as you.
Another thing we did on Saturday is buy you books as your reward for doing well at school, with all Greens for your behavior at school. The books were all about Dinosaurs. You rejected books about stories, and went straight, hard-core non-fiction. We got a very detailed book about dinosaurs that is still appropriate for your age, and got a "Dinosaur train" book. I bought you Peter Pan (a Little Golden Book, not the Disney one), because I still want to share some adventures with you, since little boys need to exercise their imaginations. I told you that your imagination is important, since the first dinosaur bones that were found required imagination to put together. You didn't like that, and are having a hard time with it.
We went to Burger King on Friday night for dinner, also as part of your reward. But we had gotten a girl toy from the kid's meal, so we had to stop back by on Saturday and get the boy version, which made you happy. We went to a garage sale and you asked a lady who had Munchkins on her table if you could have one, and she said yes. So we went to another garage sale and complained (loudly) that they didn't have any donuts. So the guy there went into his house and got you a small chocolate milk (which was very generous of him). When you were done with the chocolate milk, you asked where the trash was! I was so proud of you. Made me feel like I've done something right in raising you.
Your swim lesson went great on Monday. And you did something while you were at the lesson that impressed me, and was exactly what I've been asking you to do: walk away. Another little boy in your swim class was touching you, wanting to play with the goggles you had on, and you kept telling him to stop touching you. And then, of your own accord, you moved out of his reach, and kept using your words: "Don't touch me!" He continued to do this, and you kept moving away and using your words. And you were well supervised enough that the swim teacher stopped him before it caused a much bigger problem. On the way home, you were telling me that "I think" means "maybe." I had trouble disputing that. At the very least, it means "I'm not sure" and you're not committing to that thought. You also told me that you got a green at school...
Wisdom from you: "kids need to have parents, so they don't go out on the street and maybe get killed".
Tuesday you got to spend with Avery and Jared...and you had a good time, like always.
Wednesday and Thursday, though, you had some major "explosions" as I call them, at Learning Space. You've been getting Green at Kindergarten, but when you have these problems at Learning Space I don't know how to reward you, and still give you the message that your behavior at daycare is unacceptable. We had a major discussion on Wednesday, about you vs your brain, for causing the behavior issues, and I just said you have to own your behavior, that if you get angry, you can just be angry, that you're allowed this emotion, but you also have to own your feelings, and what you do with your body. We made some progress on this front, because at least you quit saying it wasn't your fault. You owned it. By the way, what you did was specific: you were getting picked on by kids at daycare, and then naturally wanted to strike back at them. The problem is that even after being told not to, you went back to go hit them anyway, then you wanted to hit Ms. Nadine and Jesse! I think on Thursday you had less difficulty, but still, far too much! I asked you if you wanted to switch daycares, so I enrolled you in the school's after-school program. We'll see how you do there. Hopefully that will be a more controlled atmosphere. I'm very sad to make this change, but it's for what I believe is your best interest. You need structure, and hopefully you'll get that. I do also regret that you won't be doing dance this year, but I may still work on getting you involved in that somehow. We'll see what happens.
Last thing for this week: You're done w/ swimming lessons! You got a certificate and a ribbon, and a promotion. So I enrolled you in another swimming class. You're able to swim a little bit, and I know you'll get better! I love you, David...See you next week...
Your dad.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Saturday, September 25, 2010
David Weekly, V3 - 28
Well, it's been an interesting week for David. He got Green all week at school, so he should be rewarded, right? Well, instead, he actually put a knot in a kid's forehead at daycare on Wednesday! So we didn't go to the swimming lesson since I spent time talking to Ms. Nadine, and asked her to keep him occupied, engaged, structured, whatever, so he wouldn't do that to other kids. The next two days (Thursday and Friday) were better at daycare...So Wednesday I had him in time out most of the night, to let him know how serious it was that he did the hitting thing. He was very unhappy, but I think I got the message through.
Monday, however, something else happened daycare: David broke his tooth. Now, normally I don't take this very seriously when he says he "breaks his tooth/teeth" because it's usually him just jarring, and it hurts, then it's over. And it's on a regular basis. But this time, he has a tooth that's actually loose! It's the right front lower incisor, and I think I'm going to take him to the dentist tomorrow if possible, because it hasn't gotten any better. At first I thought it was a genuine loose tooth, but he's a bit young for that, and then he described how some other kid's head came into contact with his tooth to loosen it that way. The part I haven't been able to figure out is the lack of blood, or notice from the daycare. I'm still pondering whether to keep him there, just because he is such a challenge, and they don't seem equipped to deal with his need for structure, but at the same time, Ms. Nadine gives him credit for showing genuine remorse for having caused the first kid with the knot on his head any pain. And she seems willing to put up with him, which I know is a challenge. I was playing with him Friday night, and I continue to gain insight into his behavior. He would take random objects to use as "tools" to gain advantage with me, and even would use his nails...I had to remind him over and over not to do that, not to pick that up while we're playing, because that's not playing! And back to his loose tooth: I was impressed at first that it was loose, and when I told him it would come out eventually, this invited many more tears from him. Poor kid.
Thursday night was his open house. He took great pleasure in showing me around his school. Folsom is two storeys, so he went up and down every staircase, and also went up and down the elevator. We also played the drums they had, and I bought David a "sweet", as he calls it. We were given a rubric for what he's supposed to accomplish by the end of kindergarten, and from what I see he should be done w/ kindergarten by Christmas.
David tells me that he's doing capital letters, and lower case letters at school. He finished his 10 homework items out of the 15 choices, so we're good! And his first field trip will be to MOSI in the first week of October. I also got a progress report from the teacher, and it was all about his behavior needing improvement...as if we didn't know...
So that's another week. We do swimming lessons on Mondays and Wednesdays, he goes to his aunt's house on Tuesdays...the kid is busy. At swimming lessons he doesn't relax, but instead he panics, doesn't trust his own ability to swim. I hear him splutter and cry when she "forces" him to do what he seems to know how to do then doesn't do it...but this is why we have the lessons, so he'll learn.
I hope things are well with you.
Monday, however, something else happened daycare: David broke his tooth. Now, normally I don't take this very seriously when he says he "breaks his tooth/teeth" because it's usually him just jarring, and it hurts, then it's over. And it's on a regular basis. But this time, he has a tooth that's actually loose! It's the right front lower incisor, and I think I'm going to take him to the dentist tomorrow if possible, because it hasn't gotten any better. At first I thought it was a genuine loose tooth, but he's a bit young for that, and then he described how some other kid's head came into contact with his tooth to loosen it that way. The part I haven't been able to figure out is the lack of blood, or notice from the daycare. I'm still pondering whether to keep him there, just because he is such a challenge, and they don't seem equipped to deal with his need for structure, but at the same time, Ms. Nadine gives him credit for showing genuine remorse for having caused the first kid with the knot on his head any pain. And she seems willing to put up with him, which I know is a challenge. I was playing with him Friday night, and I continue to gain insight into his behavior. He would take random objects to use as "tools" to gain advantage with me, and even would use his nails...I had to remind him over and over not to do that, not to pick that up while we're playing, because that's not playing! And back to his loose tooth: I was impressed at first that it was loose, and when I told him it would come out eventually, this invited many more tears from him. Poor kid.
Thursday night was his open house. He took great pleasure in showing me around his school. Folsom is two storeys, so he went up and down every staircase, and also went up and down the elevator. We also played the drums they had, and I bought David a "sweet", as he calls it. We were given a rubric for what he's supposed to accomplish by the end of kindergarten, and from what I see he should be done w/ kindergarten by Christmas.
David tells me that he's doing capital letters, and lower case letters at school. He finished his 10 homework items out of the 15 choices, so we're good! And his first field trip will be to MOSI in the first week of October. I also got a progress report from the teacher, and it was all about his behavior needing improvement...as if we didn't know...
So that's another week. We do swimming lessons on Mondays and Wednesdays, he goes to his aunt's house on Tuesdays...the kid is busy. At swimming lessons he doesn't relax, but instead he panics, doesn't trust his own ability to swim. I hear him splutter and cry when she "forces" him to do what he seems to know how to do then doesn't do it...but this is why we have the lessons, so he'll learn.
I hope things are well with you.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
David Weekly, V3 - 27
One of the biggest struggles I have with David is homework. He has the memo book with the 15 assignments, of which he must do 10 before the month is out. So we try to do a few each week, so that we pace ourselves, and make sure to get it done. And yet, somehow, we've managed to do 3 this week. David has discovered that they're not that hard, so he just does them with less fuss. It's becoming a more positive experience. One of the items on David's list is to write a sentence using the word "am". So he wrote, "I am a dinosaur." And the reason for this is that the dinosaurs are supposed to read it, so that way they know who _they_ are, because it would seem that if they didn't read that, they wouldn't know that they were dinosaurs. I love kid logic.
I haven't said exactly what Ms. Perez's discipline system is. It's green for a good day, orange for a single warning, yellow for two or more warnings, and red for a really bad day. Ok, now that I think of it, I did put this last week, but it bears repeating, because David had only one green day. He had a red day, too. It would seem that a little boy pulled a book out of David's hands, and so David hit the other kid. He goes to see Ms. Schaefer every so often. I need to set up another appointment to discuss his behavior, so I can get a handle on what they talk about.
Another thing I've figured out with David's anger issues and fighting. He just doesn't feel satisfied until he gets that hit in. I have to figure out how to give him an alternate way "getting in that hit" without actually him hurting someone...
David was late to school for the first time, and did not want to be in the office to get that tardy slip. He now has a better idea of the penalty for being late, and it motivates him to move when I tell him we'll be late. I wish I could figure out a penalty sufficient to where he'll remember it when he's about to hit someone.
Monday night we had our swim lesson. David plays. Instead of watching the other kids swim (there are 3 or 4 kids, depending on the day, including him), he plays with the toys or whatever. I told him he can learn in two ways: either by watching, or by practicing, or by both...but he wasn't interested. Towards the end of the lesson, his teacher took the "sink or swim" approach, and David swam. He was very very scared, and was crying after he got out of the water...later on I told him that he swam, but I don't think he believed me. He was too focused on being scared. Wednesday night he did better. I stayed away from the immediate area where he was, since I was proving to be a distraction. I was able to watch from a distance, and he did pretty well. He will get the swimming thing, but it will just take time.
For David's lunch, I've switched from PB&J to Lunchables. He seems to like that better, since they have a dessert! He still forgets his lunchbox at school on a regular basis.
Random note: David has suddenly become very interested in money, and coins in particular. I was trying to figure out why, and it turns out that there is a fundraiser of some sort at this school, and they were wanting to put money into the milk jug in his classroom. So he got a decent sized fistfull of change, and put it into the thing when we got to school...
Friday night, he and I went to the beach, in spite of his behavior. He got a flu shot on Friday as well, and cried and cried. Poor kid. He did not want that shot. Dr Sams gave me some ideas on handling his behavior, and it integrates nicely with having the two different "days" each day (school vs daycare). It involves "strikes", which I can use one strike (or two for a red day at school), and a strike for daycare, and then a strike for anything else after he gets home. But I rarely have problems with him at home...
So anyway, we went to the beach. He's been really scratching his legs lately, so when he went in the salt water, OUCH! He was in a lot of pain, and was crying...and then we went to wash it off at the showers they have at beach entrance, and then he was ok with going back in the water. He really liked playing in the waves! He even got covered by the water once or twice, but didn't really complain.
David misses his sissy. He tells me that he reads the way she does, which is simply by looking at the book, but not saying anything. "I read my book the way my sissy does," he says.
So there's a week for you. Hope things are well on your end...
I haven't said exactly what Ms. Perez's discipline system is. It's green for a good day, orange for a single warning, yellow for two or more warnings, and red for a really bad day. Ok, now that I think of it, I did put this last week, but it bears repeating, because David had only one green day. He had a red day, too. It would seem that a little boy pulled a book out of David's hands, and so David hit the other kid. He goes to see Ms. Schaefer every so often. I need to set up another appointment to discuss his behavior, so I can get a handle on what they talk about.
Another thing I've figured out with David's anger issues and fighting. He just doesn't feel satisfied until he gets that hit in. I have to figure out how to give him an alternate way "getting in that hit" without actually him hurting someone...
David was late to school for the first time, and did not want to be in the office to get that tardy slip. He now has a better idea of the penalty for being late, and it motivates him to move when I tell him we'll be late. I wish I could figure out a penalty sufficient to where he'll remember it when he's about to hit someone.
Monday night we had our swim lesson. David plays. Instead of watching the other kids swim (there are 3 or 4 kids, depending on the day, including him), he plays with the toys or whatever. I told him he can learn in two ways: either by watching, or by practicing, or by both...but he wasn't interested. Towards the end of the lesson, his teacher took the "sink or swim" approach, and David swam. He was very very scared, and was crying after he got out of the water...later on I told him that he swam, but I don't think he believed me. He was too focused on being scared. Wednesday night he did better. I stayed away from the immediate area where he was, since I was proving to be a distraction. I was able to watch from a distance, and he did pretty well. He will get the swimming thing, but it will just take time.
For David's lunch, I've switched from PB&J to Lunchables. He seems to like that better, since they have a dessert! He still forgets his lunchbox at school on a regular basis.
Random note: David has suddenly become very interested in money, and coins in particular. I was trying to figure out why, and it turns out that there is a fundraiser of some sort at this school, and they were wanting to put money into the milk jug in his classroom. So he got a decent sized fistfull of change, and put it into the thing when we got to school...
Friday night, he and I went to the beach, in spite of his behavior. He got a flu shot on Friday as well, and cried and cried. Poor kid. He did not want that shot. Dr Sams gave me some ideas on handling his behavior, and it integrates nicely with having the two different "days" each day (school vs daycare). It involves "strikes", which I can use one strike (or two for a red day at school), and a strike for daycare, and then a strike for anything else after he gets home. But I rarely have problems with him at home...
So anyway, we went to the beach. He's been really scratching his legs lately, so when he went in the salt water, OUCH! He was in a lot of pain, and was crying...and then we went to wash it off at the showers they have at beach entrance, and then he was ok with going back in the water. He really liked playing in the waves! He even got covered by the water once or twice, but didn't really complain.
David misses his sissy. He tells me that he reads the way she does, which is simply by looking at the book, but not saying anything. "I read my book the way my sissy does," he says.
So there's a week for you. Hope things are well on your end...
Saturday, September 11, 2010
David Weekly, V3 - 26
David's first day of school went really well! I asked him what he ate for lunch, and he says, "well, I thought about eating the green beans, but I just decided to eat the cake..." Naturally, I told him he needs to eat more than just the cake. David has decided this: "I don't like kindergarten food." So now, I'm packing his lunch. Peanut butter and jelly every day, but he never eats the fruit that I send. What has to happen for him to eat more of his lunch? Also, I did take a few pictures of him on his first day of school.
While David was gone to Amanda's, I received very little information regarding him, what he was doing, what his routines were, etc. It was distressing to not really get a lot of information, especially hearing from David long after the fact that he got kicked out of one of the summer camps he seems have been going to. So, I asked for her for information on what they did for 5 weeks, what his routines were, etc. I was not really prepared for the response I got. It bordered on the paranoid, with her accusing me of having some other motive than simple curiosity for asking all the questions I did. So I've struggled over the last few weeks about how to handle this. I need to keep writing the DW, but I realize now that I can no longer share it with her, nor with any of her family. I don't know if they'll miss it, or if they even read it. I will soldier on, and keep writing about David, in all his wonderfulness and challenge.
David had his first swim lesson on Wednesday, September the 8th, at the YMCA. That morning, he was worried that I would forget his swim trunks, so he made sure I had them before we left for school. Then he was asking if we were going to the swim lesson instead of school. He also told me that he had some kind of swimming something at one of his camps, but I wasn't able to make sense out of it. I would ask Amanda, but she refuses to tell me anything about what happened w/ David in Missouri, making some claim to privacy. So I just won't know.
At the swim lesson, we got rained out. We were there for about 15 min, actually, before the rain and thunder and lightning really started. On the way home, it was a vocabulary lesson! "It's raining," David says. We were making distinctions between "hard rain" vs. "light rain" vs. "sprinkling". He was pretty thorough about it, too.
Last Friday (Sept 3), I had an appointment with the guidance counselor, and Ms. Perez, to discuss David's behavior. He got a red one day, and I realized that I need to work with the teacher and the counselor early to figure out his behavior issues. I think part of it is simply delayed adjustment time after having been with his mom. He's been drawing pictures in school, and they have his Sissy in them. He seems to be missing her. We're going to be working on Respect, as Ms. Perez says that's a big thing in her classroom, and I also will be asking Learning Space to be consistent with that message. Naturally, I look to reinforce this at home, too. The GC speculates that some of his behavior issues may be from bullying or teasing (for example, David being told by another boy that he doesn't like dinosaurs, even though he obviously does), and his only way of dealing with it is to smack the other kid. Ms. Nadine says that David will sit in time out, then go hit the other kid after time out is over, if he feels that he hasn't yet settled the score. Ms. Perez says that the behavior she's seen doesn't appear to be malicious. The GC said she may try to spend some time with him after observing him in class, to see what else she might suggest. She's new, and when I asked her if she had any book recommendations, she had none. She did suggest also, that we target specific behaviors, which we're doing now anyway. She was pleased at the calendar system we have to keep track of what's going on.
Meanwhile, Ms Perez's discipline system is: green, no warnings; orange, one or two warnings; yellow, three warnings; red - lots of trouble, serious disrespect. I see every day what his behavior looks like. It is a bit more nuanced that good day/bad day, so I'm having trouble figuring out a "reward" for particular behaviors, if it's not green. The other problem is that he now has two different sources of both good and bad behavior, since, for example, he got a green at kindergarten, and then had a Very Bad Day at Learning Space. How do I handle that? I don't know.
Thursday, David got into a major fight at daycare, so much that he got a scratch on his face, and an incident report to go with it. I don't know what to do about his behavior. Last week I had to get him out of daycare, because Ms. Nadine couldn't handle him. This is the first time that this has happened. She has been so wonderful to be dealing with his major behavior issues. In spite of that, I may have to move him. There's only so much she can tolerate. I may move him anyway, since it may also just be the environment. I ask him why he hits, and he blames it on his brain, or his body, as if they are separate from him...or he just says, "I don't know." I talk to David a lot about his behavior. I really put him through the ringer on the day I had to leave work early to get him. We got home and he stay in his room for a very long time, until he figured out how to answer my questions, about why, why, why...and give me details about it...and then he fell asleep, and slept for 14 hours. At one point, he did wake up for about 30 minutes. I fed him some dinner, and then back to sleep he went.
Another challenge we have is genuine, true to life, homework. He has a list of 15 things, of which he must do 10, during the month of September. They are things like, "Try to write a sentence with the word 'can' in it." Or, "Draw four things that begin with the letter A." David then picked Apple, Allosaurus, Ankylosaurus, and Alligator. He had to write the words, too. I made him get one of his dinosaur books with the dino names, so he could spell them the right way. It was a struggle, though, to get him to attempt to draw anything. But hey, one assignment down, 9 to go, right?
There is so much that's happend in two weeks, and I know I'm missing a lot of it. I guess I should talk about his new routine in the mornings now: either I will awaken him, or he wakes himself up. We change into that day's clothes (these last two weeks we have a list of colors to wear for that day, as part of a lesson in school - we refer to it every day, and occasionally argue about what day it is, since Ms Perez got the days and dates a bit mixed up. David reads the list without letting on that he is, which is part of why we argue), and he tells me what kind of cereal he wants to eat for breakfast. About 20 min later, we're out the door, about 7:45. It's about 10 min from the house to the school. He sometimes tells me he wants me to drop him off, but then at the last minute says "walk me in." So we walk in every day, I leave him at the door. He goes in the room, and POOF! I don't exist.
So that's two weeks, with most of one week missing. I think I've also decided to go back to Fridays as the release date of this, as it seems to make more sense to me, and gives me less of an excuse to put it off.
While David was gone to Amanda's, I received very little information regarding him, what he was doing, what his routines were, etc. It was distressing to not really get a lot of information, especially hearing from David long after the fact that he got kicked out of one of the summer camps he seems have been going to. So, I asked for her for information on what they did for 5 weeks, what his routines were, etc. I was not really prepared for the response I got. It bordered on the paranoid, with her accusing me of having some other motive than simple curiosity for asking all the questions I did. So I've struggled over the last few weeks about how to handle this. I need to keep writing the DW, but I realize now that I can no longer share it with her, nor with any of her family. I don't know if they'll miss it, or if they even read it. I will soldier on, and keep writing about David, in all his wonderfulness and challenge.
David had his first swim lesson on Wednesday, September the 8th, at the YMCA. That morning, he was worried that I would forget his swim trunks, so he made sure I had them before we left for school. Then he was asking if we were going to the swim lesson instead of school. He also told me that he had some kind of swimming something at one of his camps, but I wasn't able to make sense out of it. I would ask Amanda, but she refuses to tell me anything about what happened w/ David in Missouri, making some claim to privacy. So I just won't know.
At the swim lesson, we got rained out. We were there for about 15 min, actually, before the rain and thunder and lightning really started. On the way home, it was a vocabulary lesson! "It's raining," David says. We were making distinctions between "hard rain" vs. "light rain" vs. "sprinkling". He was pretty thorough about it, too.
Last Friday (Sept 3), I had an appointment with the guidance counselor, and Ms. Perez, to discuss David's behavior. He got a red one day, and I realized that I need to work with the teacher and the counselor early to figure out his behavior issues. I think part of it is simply delayed adjustment time after having been with his mom. He's been drawing pictures in school, and they have his Sissy in them. He seems to be missing her. We're going to be working on Respect, as Ms. Perez says that's a big thing in her classroom, and I also will be asking Learning Space to be consistent with that message. Naturally, I look to reinforce this at home, too. The GC speculates that some of his behavior issues may be from bullying or teasing (for example, David being told by another boy that he doesn't like dinosaurs, even though he obviously does), and his only way of dealing with it is to smack the other kid. Ms. Nadine says that David will sit in time out, then go hit the other kid after time out is over, if he feels that he hasn't yet settled the score. Ms. Perez says that the behavior she's seen doesn't appear to be malicious. The GC said she may try to spend some time with him after observing him in class, to see what else she might suggest. She's new, and when I asked her if she had any book recommendations, she had none. She did suggest also, that we target specific behaviors, which we're doing now anyway. She was pleased at the calendar system we have to keep track of what's going on.
Meanwhile, Ms Perez's discipline system is: green, no warnings; orange, one or two warnings; yellow, three warnings; red - lots of trouble, serious disrespect. I see every day what his behavior looks like. It is a bit more nuanced that good day/bad day, so I'm having trouble figuring out a "reward" for particular behaviors, if it's not green. The other problem is that he now has two different sources of both good and bad behavior, since, for example, he got a green at kindergarten, and then had a Very Bad Day at Learning Space. How do I handle that? I don't know.
Thursday, David got into a major fight at daycare, so much that he got a scratch on his face, and an incident report to go with it. I don't know what to do about his behavior. Last week I had to get him out of daycare, because Ms. Nadine couldn't handle him. This is the first time that this has happened. She has been so wonderful to be dealing with his major behavior issues. In spite of that, I may have to move him. There's only so much she can tolerate. I may move him anyway, since it may also just be the environment. I ask him why he hits, and he blames it on his brain, or his body, as if they are separate from him...or he just says, "I don't know." I talk to David a lot about his behavior. I really put him through the ringer on the day I had to leave work early to get him. We got home and he stay in his room for a very long time, until he figured out how to answer my questions, about why, why, why...and give me details about it...and then he fell asleep, and slept for 14 hours. At one point, he did wake up for about 30 minutes. I fed him some dinner, and then back to sleep he went.
Another challenge we have is genuine, true to life, homework. He has a list of 15 things, of which he must do 10, during the month of September. They are things like, "Try to write a sentence with the word 'can' in it." Or, "Draw four things that begin with the letter A." David then picked Apple, Allosaurus, Ankylosaurus, and Alligator. He had to write the words, too. I made him get one of his dinosaur books with the dino names, so he could spell them the right way. It was a struggle, though, to get him to attempt to draw anything. But hey, one assignment down, 9 to go, right?
There is so much that's happend in two weeks, and I know I'm missing a lot of it. I guess I should talk about his new routine in the mornings now: either I will awaken him, or he wakes himself up. We change into that day's clothes (these last two weeks we have a list of colors to wear for that day, as part of a lesson in school - we refer to it every day, and occasionally argue about what day it is, since Ms Perez got the days and dates a bit mixed up. David reads the list without letting on that he is, which is part of why we argue), and he tells me what kind of cereal he wants to eat for breakfast. About 20 min later, we're out the door, about 7:45. It's about 10 min from the house to the school. He sometimes tells me he wants me to drop him off, but then at the last minute says "walk me in." So we walk in every day, I leave him at the door. He goes in the room, and POOF! I don't exist.
So that's two weeks, with most of one week missing. I think I've also decided to go back to Fridays as the release date of this, as it seems to make more sense to me, and gives me less of an excuse to put it off.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
letter to amanda
Well Amanda, you finally did it. You finally have really pissed me off. I asked you about information about what happened with my son when he was with you, and you basically have the nerve to tell me it's none of my business. I've been so angry that I don't know what to do with myself, or the David Weekly. But I think I know what I'm going to do. I'm simply going to keep writing it, with you in mind, but you're not going to get it anymore. I still don't know if I should send it to either set of grandparents. I worry that they would just send it to you. It sucks for them, assuming that they like getting it...I have an idea, at least, that Matt and Virginia read it, because I asked them, and they said they did. I don't know about the other family, the Kenneys...I don't know if Nancy reads it, what she thinks, or anything. I don't know if Frank reads it, or cares.
So all of those people, who really have nothing to do with your contention that David needs "privacy" between households at the age of 5, aren't going to get to hear about David anymore, if they even read it. Instead, just like you, they're going to get an unexplained silence. I'm sure that you'll talk bad about me to them regarding this. But I guess I'm just going to have to deal, because you clearly don't value communication between 2 adults, whose most important concern should be the child. I have done everything I can to keep you in the loop regarding him, and you never respond, never ask questions, never want to know anything more. All of this is bad for David. I will keep writing the David Weekly because it's still the best thing for him. He will have a record of his life like few people have. He will have a record of his life that will protect him from getting taken away from his father...If you want to know what's going on in his life, I will send you things, if you ask. I will no longer provide you with his schoolwork, nor will I do anything to help you. If you want to see David this Christmas, you will have to come down here to get him, and you will have to bring him back here. I'm done.
So all of those people, who really have nothing to do with your contention that David needs "privacy" between households at the age of 5, aren't going to get to hear about David anymore, if they even read it. Instead, just like you, they're going to get an unexplained silence. I'm sure that you'll talk bad about me to them regarding this. But I guess I'm just going to have to deal, because you clearly don't value communication between 2 adults, whose most important concern should be the child. I have done everything I can to keep you in the loop regarding him, and you never respond, never ask questions, never want to know anything more. All of this is bad for David. I will keep writing the David Weekly because it's still the best thing for him. He will have a record of his life like few people have. He will have a record of his life that will protect him from getting taken away from his father...If you want to know what's going on in his life, I will send you things, if you ask. I will no longer provide you with his schoolwork, nor will I do anything to help you. If you want to see David this Christmas, you will have to come down here to get him, and you will have to bring him back here. I'm done.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
"Conversation" between me and Amanda
Honestly, all of that information I would expect that he would tell you if he wanted you to know. This feels a lot like you're digging looking something, though I have no idea what, and given the tone of your last "digest", I see no reason to indulge your curiosity.
In what way are you hoping to benefit from the information? As far as where he went to camp, what he did, and what we did on the weekends, that's not exactly super confidential information. Anyone on my facebook page can see it. It was there for you to see if you were interested. Which is also that the way you're asking now sounds phony and conniving. Also, what's the thinking behind wanting to know his morning and evening routines?
There is still the question of how much boundaries between households should he be allowed? I never tell him not to tell you anything that he does or doesn't do up here. There must be a reason he would be unwilling to tell you something, so I don't feel comfortable betraying his confidence without more of an explanation, again, especially given the tone of your last "digest".
Why the disappearance of the "keyserver database"?
--- On Tue, 8/24/10, Russell Hires wrote:
From: Russell Hires
Subject: Re: While David was with you...
To:
Date: Tuesday, August 24, 2010, 2:30 PM
I'm not asking for a daily accounting, but how about some of the high-lights, like, just a brief accounting of where he went to day camp, what kinds of activities they do there, his bed-time routine, mornings, what you did on the weekends, if he saw any of his other extended family.
On Aug 24, 2010, at 1:29 PM, - wrote:
I didn't say that, I just want to know what stuff you're sending me in email first. What exactly are you wanting to know? It's odd that he doesn't want to tell you? We do need to decide how much privacy and separation we're going to allow him as he grows.
--- On Tue, 8/24/10, Russell Hires wrote:
From: Russell Hires
Subject: Re: While David was with you...
To:
Date: Tuesday, August 24, 2010, 12:19 PM
It just says that it's me, that you check against a keyserver database, it's proof of my identity, that the email was sent by me. I guess you're not going to tell me what happened for 5 weeks while David was with you?
On Aug 24, 2010, at 9:55 AM, - wrote:
That doesn't tell me what it is?
--- On Tue, 8/24/10, Russell Hires wrote:
From: Russell Hires
Subject: Re: While David was with you...
To:
Date: Tuesday, August 24, 2010, 6:20 AM
It's just something I wanted to get back to. I had done this a long time ago, and thought it interesting to do again. So can you give me some kind of run-down on what you guys did for 5 weeks?
On Aug 24, 2010, at 7:15 AM, wrote:
What's up with the PGP signed message stuff in your emails lately?
--- On Mon, 8/23/10, Russell Hires wrote:
From: Russell Hires
Subject: While David was with you...
To:
Date: Monday, August 23, 2010, 10:08 PM
-----BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE-----
Hash: SHA1
Hey...could I get some kind of idea what David was up to for the 5 weeks he was up there? I really have no clue, and he doesn't really want to say much, and I don't feel that I should ask him a bunch of questions...He did tell me about getting kicked out of camp, and you did tell me about the beads and him handling his behavior, but I don't really know much more than that. Can you fill me in?
Thanks.
-----BEGIN PGP SIGNATURE-----
Version: GnuPG/MacGPG2 v2.0.14 (Darwin)
iEYEARECAAYFAkxzN5YACgkQAqKGrvVshJQVZQCgmdXfXobCiQbFlJeH2OPBLKoF
Zk8AoORncO0SNjST0L1Su2BVUcUKQv8t
=si7E
-----END PGP SIGNATURE-----
In what way are you hoping to benefit from the information? As far as where he went to camp, what he did, and what we did on the weekends, that's not exactly super confidential information. Anyone on my facebook page can see it. It was there for you to see if you were interested. Which is also that the way you're asking now sounds phony and conniving. Also, what's the thinking behind wanting to know his morning and evening routines?
There is still the question of how much boundaries between households should he be allowed? I never tell him not to tell you anything that he does or doesn't do up here. There must be a reason he would be unwilling to tell you something, so I don't feel comfortable betraying his confidence without more of an explanation, again, especially given the tone of your last "digest".
Why the disappearance of the "keyserver database"?
--- On Tue, 8/24/10, Russell Hires
From: Russell Hires
Subject: Re: While David was with you...
To:
Date: Tuesday, August 24, 2010, 2:30 PM
I'm not asking for a daily accounting, but how about some of the high-lights, like, just a brief accounting of where he went to day camp, what kinds of activities they do there, his bed-time routine, mornings, what you did on the weekends, if he saw any of his other extended family.
On Aug 24, 2010, at 1:29 PM, - wrote:
I didn't say that, I just want to know what stuff you're sending me in email first. What exactly are you wanting to know? It's odd that he doesn't want to tell you? We do need to decide how much privacy and separation we're going to allow him as he grows.
--- On Tue, 8/24/10, Russell Hires
From: Russell Hires
Subject: Re: While David was with you...
To:
Date: Tuesday, August 24, 2010, 12:19 PM
It just says that it's me, that you check against a keyserver database, it's proof of my identity, that the email was sent by me. I guess you're not going to tell me what happened for 5 weeks while David was with you?
On Aug 24, 2010, at 9:55 AM, - wrote:
That doesn't tell me what it is?
--- On Tue, 8/24/10, Russell Hires
From: Russell Hires
Subject: Re: While David was with you...
To:
Date: Tuesday, August 24, 2010, 6:20 AM
It's just something I wanted to get back to. I had done this a long time ago, and thought it interesting to do again. So can you give me some kind of run-down on what you guys did for 5 weeks?
On Aug 24, 2010, at 7:15 AM, wrote:
What's up with the PGP signed message stuff in your emails lately?
--- On Mon, 8/23/10, Russell Hires
From: Russell Hires
Subject: While David was with you...
To:
Date: Monday, August 23, 2010, 10:08 PM
-----BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE-----
Hash: SHA1
Hey...could I get some kind of idea what David was up to for the 5 weeks he was up there? I really have no clue, and he doesn't really want to say much, and I don't feel that I should ask him a bunch of questions...He did tell me about getting kicked out of camp, and you did tell me about the beads and him handling his behavior, but I don't really know much more than that. Can you fill me in?
Thanks.
-----BEGIN PGP SIGNATURE-----
Version: GnuPG/MacGPG2 v2.0.14 (Darwin)
iEYEARECAAYFAkxzN5YACgkQAqKGrvVshJQVZQCgmdXfXobCiQbFlJeH2OPBLKoF
Zk8AoORncO0SNjST0L1Su2BVUcUKQv8t
=si7E
-----END PGP SIGNATURE-----
Sunday, August 22, 2010
David Weekly, V3 - 25
Hello all! I hope your summer has been good. Now that he's back, I've been preparing David for kindergarten. Strangely, he doesn't seem all that excited about it.
By the way, I think I might switch sending these out on Sunday nights, rather than Friday nights. We'll see how that goes.
I went to St Louis to pick David up at the airport. Amanda pulled up at the drop off, and told me that David had had a hard day, wondering why he couldn't stay at the Missouri, why he couldn't go to the same school as his sissy...and crying at various points. When he saw me, he looked like he'd been crying already, and then cried some more. I just went to him and held him for a while, and told him I understand about mixed feelings, wanting to stay, and wanting to go, and that it’s hard. I asked him if he’d eaten, and he said no, so I tried to distract him by asking what he wanted to eat. He said a sandwich...but he was ready to go, so I told him to give his mommy a hug and a kiss before we go, so he did, crying the whole time, and then he took my hand, and we walked slowly into the terminal. After a few more minutes, he brightened up a bit, which made it easier to get through security. As we were walking through the terminal, he told me that he got kicked out of one of his camps, for hitting/fighting. This was a bit of a surprise for me, of course, but he said it all like it wasn't a big deal. I talked to him about not hitting, asking why he fights, and so on...he knows better, but I don't think he can help himself. The plane was late getting to the airport, then the pilot was late getting to the airport, but not too too late, so we just hung around the terminal, and decided to eat the sandwiches we bought later, rather than on the floor in the waiting area by the boarding gate. David had fun watching the planes take off and land, and asked me again about what kind of plane we're getting into, the big one or the small one? I tried to explain, as we were taking off, how the plane we were in was shrinking, but he wasn't buying it. Surprisingly, David stayed awake on the plane the whole flight, and even when we were driving home in the car he stayed awake. Finally got home around 10 PM, and he fell promptly asleep. He never did eat the sandwich. But he did play with the little games they give the kids on the plane, and colored, and after a while I let him play a game on Cinnamon's iTouch (that she let me borrow for this trip).
The next day, Sunday, we went to Rachel's house, played with Avery and Jared all day. He is much less afraid of the water, and while it doesn't seem that he'd had swimming lessons, it did seem like did spend more time in the water. He is much better able to handle being around Avery and Jared, as he is catching up with them in terms of his maturity. They'll always be older than him of course, but he's so much more out of the baby stage that it makes a huge difference in his ability to interact. They played very well, and didn't ever fight, except play fighting.
On Monday, he went back to day care, and had a good day. He went back in there, as if he'd never been away.
On Tuesday, David discovered his leapster. And then played on it, a lot. He really likes it. He also wanted to play "light sabers" which consists of us hitting them against each other. The thing is, he can do this for an hour without stopping.
Wednesday, went to the YMCA to sign David up for swimming lessons. Since he hadn't had any over the summer, I figure that now is the time to get this done, before it gets cold, and then maybe we'll do a refresher in the late spring. He's also a member now, so he can be involved in other activities, like soccer. He was excited about that, but kept saying, "I already know how to play that game." I simply told him that it's just a fun thing to do, not a "learn how to do it" kind of thing. That seemed to mollify him. He also did not want to get his picture taken for the ID card. Refused refused. Some more convincing and cajoling on my part took place, and eventually, he was sitting down and smiling for the camera. He told me that he doesn't like his picture taken because he doesn't like the way he looks. I told him that he looks fine, and is the cutest kid ever.
Friday, David had two doctor appointments, one with Dr. Siegel the allergist, and another with Dr Sams, for his well-care/birthday/annual checkup. Dr Siegel said things are ok, and Dr Sams said the same thing! David is now 45 pounds and 45 inches tall, has 20/20 vision, his ears looked good, and is in the 90th percentile for height, and 75th percentile for weight. He had to urinate into a cup, which caused him some consternation, as he just didn't want to do it! But I figured out a way to get him to go...but the worst part was the prick to his thumb to test for anemia (he's in the perfectly normal range). The prick to his thumb was TRAU-MATIC. He cried and cried and it was the worst thing in the world! He didn't like his skin being broken like that, and while I know it hurts, it was almost too much for him. He didn't really know what was going on at first, even after the pin-prick, until the nurse squeezed to get the blood. It's at this point that he began to wail...poor kid! And he cried for a while, and wanted a band-aid, and his crying was loud! Even though I tried to shush him a little bit, calm him down...he wasn't having it. He did settle down finally, and then I took him to the day care...where he had 5 check marks this week! As part of his reward, I bought him two books. He was very happy about this!
Friday night we went to his school's Open House, to meet his teacher, and to get a feel for what the routine is going to be, and what the school will be like. His teacher is going to be Ms Perez, and she is a third year teacher. I asked the school about grades; there will not be any for the 1st nine weeks. After that, I will copy report cards and send them on...
Saturday he and I went on a few errands to get some things for school, and then to go hang out at Rachel's and go swimming again. We all had fun.
Sunday was a workday for me, so I went to work, and he was babysat...and that's a week.
Rusty
By the way, I think I might switch sending these out on Sunday nights, rather than Friday nights. We'll see how that goes.
I went to St Louis to pick David up at the airport. Amanda pulled up at the drop off, and told me that David had had a hard day, wondering why he couldn't stay at the Missouri, why he couldn't go to the same school as his sissy...and crying at various points. When he saw me, he looked like he'd been crying already, and then cried some more. I just went to him and held him for a while, and told him I understand about mixed feelings, wanting to stay, and wanting to go, and that it’s hard. I asked him if he’d eaten, and he said no, so I tried to distract him by asking what he wanted to eat. He said a sandwich...but he was ready to go, so I told him to give his mommy a hug and a kiss before we go, so he did, crying the whole time, and then he took my hand, and we walked slowly into the terminal. After a few more minutes, he brightened up a bit, which made it easier to get through security. As we were walking through the terminal, he told me that he got kicked out of one of his camps, for hitting/fighting. This was a bit of a surprise for me, of course, but he said it all like it wasn't a big deal. I talked to him about not hitting, asking why he fights, and so on...he knows better, but I don't think he can help himself. The plane was late getting to the airport, then the pilot was late getting to the airport, but not too too late, so we just hung around the terminal, and decided to eat the sandwiches we bought later, rather than on the floor in the waiting area by the boarding gate. David had fun watching the planes take off and land, and asked me again about what kind of plane we're getting into, the big one or the small one? I tried to explain, as we were taking off, how the plane we were in was shrinking, but he wasn't buying it. Surprisingly, David stayed awake on the plane the whole flight, and even when we were driving home in the car he stayed awake. Finally got home around 10 PM, and he fell promptly asleep. He never did eat the sandwich. But he did play with the little games they give the kids on the plane, and colored, and after a while I let him play a game on Cinnamon's iTouch (that she let me borrow for this trip).
The next day, Sunday, we went to Rachel's house, played with Avery and Jared all day. He is much less afraid of the water, and while it doesn't seem that he'd had swimming lessons, it did seem like did spend more time in the water. He is much better able to handle being around Avery and Jared, as he is catching up with them in terms of his maturity. They'll always be older than him of course, but he's so much more out of the baby stage that it makes a huge difference in his ability to interact. They played very well, and didn't ever fight, except play fighting.
On Monday, he went back to day care, and had a good day. He went back in there, as if he'd never been away.
On Tuesday, David discovered his leapster. And then played on it, a lot. He really likes it. He also wanted to play "light sabers" which consists of us hitting them against each other. The thing is, he can do this for an hour without stopping.
Wednesday, went to the YMCA to sign David up for swimming lessons. Since he hadn't had any over the summer, I figure that now is the time to get this done, before it gets cold, and then maybe we'll do a refresher in the late spring. He's also a member now, so he can be involved in other activities, like soccer. He was excited about that, but kept saying, "I already know how to play that game." I simply told him that it's just a fun thing to do, not a "learn how to do it" kind of thing. That seemed to mollify him. He also did not want to get his picture taken for the ID card. Refused refused. Some more convincing and cajoling on my part took place, and eventually, he was sitting down and smiling for the camera. He told me that he doesn't like his picture taken because he doesn't like the way he looks. I told him that he looks fine, and is the cutest kid ever.
Friday, David had two doctor appointments, one with Dr. Siegel the allergist, and another with Dr Sams, for his well-care/birthday/annual checkup. Dr Siegel said things are ok, and Dr Sams said the same thing! David is now 45 pounds and 45 inches tall, has 20/20 vision, his ears looked good, and is in the 90th percentile for height, and 75th percentile for weight. He had to urinate into a cup, which caused him some consternation, as he just didn't want to do it! But I figured out a way to get him to go...but the worst part was the prick to his thumb to test for anemia (he's in the perfectly normal range). The prick to his thumb was TRAU-MATIC. He cried and cried and it was the worst thing in the world! He didn't like his skin being broken like that, and while I know it hurts, it was almost too much for him. He didn't really know what was going on at first, even after the pin-prick, until the nurse squeezed to get the blood. It's at this point that he began to wail...poor kid! And he cried for a while, and wanted a band-aid, and his crying was loud! Even though I tried to shush him a little bit, calm him down...he wasn't having it. He did settle down finally, and then I took him to the day care...where he had 5 check marks this week! As part of his reward, I bought him two books. He was very happy about this!
Friday night we went to his school's Open House, to meet his teacher, and to get a feel for what the routine is going to be, and what the school will be like. His teacher is going to be Ms Perez, and she is a third year teacher. I asked the school about grades; there will not be any for the 1st nine weeks. After that, I will copy report cards and send them on...
Saturday he and I went on a few errands to get some things for school, and then to go hang out at Rachel's and go swimming again. We all had fun.
Sunday was a workday for me, so I went to work, and he was babysat...and that's a week.
Rusty
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